Everything I Saw
by Browncoat214
Summary: Just all the emotions I see in the Doctor and Amy at certain points. I don't know what genre it is so bear with it. WARNING! spoilers for episodes after and including Flesh and Stone. Italics are used instead of speech marks because these are not quotes.
1. Chapter 1

_Yeah later._  
She starts tying her fingers in knots. The most alone she has ever felt. He was abandoning her again. Then someone took her hands. There was cool breath on her cheek.  
_Amy, you have to trust me._  
_But you don't always tell the truth._  
_That's why I need you to trust me, now more than ever. Remember what I told you when you were seven._  
_What did you tell me?_  
_No, no._ He closed his eyes pressing his forehead to hers, so glad she couldn't look, couldn't see his fear, his dread of leaving her. He didn't trust the clerics with her life; they had no idea how important she was. That's not the point. _You have to remember. _He kissed her on the forehead then, forcing himself to leave, dragging himself from this incredible source of life. He had to leave immediately, scrubbing would-be tears out of his eyes before he could cry them. He couldn't let himself be weak now when so many people were depending on him.  
_Remember what. Doctor?_

_Amy? Amy? Is that you?_  
_Doctor?_  
No one's there with her, I can hear it in her voice. The fear before. The gladness now, for any other sound but her own voice.

There's nothing I can do. Not a thing. I'm asking the impossible because if I don't she dies.  
_Walk like you can see but keep your eyes shut._

What if Amy Pond had died then, while he was safe on the primary flight deck? What would he tell Rory, everyone who would miss her in Leadworth. How would he live with himself? Where would he run this time? Would he never see the end of these deaths? He was cheated out of every life he ever loved. Now she would be cheated out of hers too. Only this was different. She had been cheated out of her life by him. Fourteen years she had waited for him to come back. Every moment since she was seven, he owed all that to her and now he had left her again and this time he would never get a chance to pay it back. Who next? Who would die because of him next? He wanted to break something, anything. He wanted to break himself, every bone in his body, because he deserved it. He took away the one thing he was chasing after: life. If Amy died now, never again would a human set foot in the TARDIS. Never again, he swore. Never again.  
As he clenched his eyes closed and forced the impossible on her again a single tear escaped from his eye. _You can do this_. He tried to convince himself more than her. He couldn't do a thing. One more death, the very last human death in a long enough list, he promised. The very, very last.


	2. Chapter 2

Rory was dead. There was nothing he could do apart from watch Amy Pond cry over a pile of dust.  
_Then what is the point of you?_ Those simple words hacked at him like a knife, leaving him raw. Why was he here? What was the point? All he did was watch people he loved die. All he did was let Amy down.  
_This is the dream_. She sounded confident. Tears streamed down her face.  
You're sure?  
She wasn't. She didn't care anymore though. _It has to be. Rory isn't here.  
This could be reality.  
__No, no because if it is then I don't want, **it**! I don't want it._ She looked back to the dust that used to be her fiancée.  
He realised that he had lost. Amy had chosen Rory over him. He was so sure she would choose him but she had only chosen his reality to save Rory. Her Rory.  
He walked up to her to place a comforting hand on her back but he couldn't touch her. She wasn't his, all she wanted was Rory. She was fire and the touch would burn him. He let his hands rest just above her back, knowing that contact with Amy would scar him.

He dropped the keys to the van in her outstretched hand then he placed his hand over them, holding her hand, quite possibly for the last time. She didn't look up at him, his urge to make her look into his eyes was overwhelming but he couldn't touch her. He wanted to kiss her, one last time before letting her go back to Rory. He wanted with both his hearts to use his mind and body to win her back, to convince her that she wanted him. He couldn't though. Couldn't let the dream lord win. Couldn't give in to the lust within himself, there was no coming back from that.  
Instead he let go of her hand and, placing his absolute trust in Amy Pond, got into the passenger seat of the van, broken. The dream lord watched him, all the time knowing what he wanted, his unrelenting gaze trying to urge him to take Amy from Rory's grasp but he would not see. Wouldn't look into his selfish desires. Wouldn't take anything he wanted for himself if he thought it wasn't meant for him, even if it was. All that mattered was what Amy wanted, Amy's choice. Then the Doctor died.


End file.
